Holy shit it's 2012 and I am still hungover. Guess that's a good segue into this brief recap of all the radical and non-radical stuff that happened this year and to hate on all you posers that actually made New Years Resolutions. Come on people, resolutions are for strumpets. Are you a strumpet ? Shit I hope not.
1. Big Nog Knocking Out Brendan Slob - The greatest MMA moment for me this year. That scumbag Brendan tried to build his career by calling out big name guys with deteriorating skills and chins and ended up getting his ass knocked the FUCK out like the strumpet he really is. Hell, I was picking Brendan to win too just because Big Nog was coming off a couple surgeries and has been looking slower and slower with every fight. And then he shocked the whole goddamn world by unloading some some fat hooks and a huge overhand right and sent Brendan crying home. Porra !!
2. Tito Subbing Bader - Hahaha holy shit. I jumped so high off the couch when that happened. Drops him with a short right and then jumps on a guillotine and gets his first win in 5 years. Goddamn I love a good underdog story. Too bad he blew it in the Rashad and Lil Nog fights but lets keep this list positive.
3. Diaz vs Daley And The Greatest First Round Ever - Man, that whole event was awesome. I was pretty skeptical of the crowd just because San Diego is notorious for having some of the most uneducated fans but that night was 100% good vibrations. Every prelim had some violent finish, we had great seats and it went by fast. Then the main event starts and Diaz is immediately mean mugging and begging to get knocked out by Daley and OH MY GOD HE GETS DROPPED HOLY SHIT and my heart sunk and HOLY SHIT HES GETTING UP WHAT THE FUCK YESSSSSSSSS oh my god he's fucking up Daley with body shots and FUCKKKKKKK HE JUST KNOCKED HIM OUT WITH LIKE FIVE SECONDS LEFT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god. My adrenaline is rushing again. Fucking amazing. Then we got carne asada fries afterwards and beat up a bum on the trolley. Great times.
4. Year Of The Front Kick - Oh my god Anderson, you mad professor of muay thai. Belfort did not know what was coming and neither was I. And then Lyoto does a jumping version of it and knocks out Randy Coutures old man teeth. And then Justin Buckholz does it (but he gets no fucking attention for it, shame on you MMA fans). And then Dong Gun Kim almost knocks out Sean Pierson with it. And then I close the refrigerator door with it. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Condit front kick KO's Diaz. ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE.
5. Chandler Destroying Alvarez And His Eyebrows - I told you guys, I love a good underdog story. Was Chandler even a Top 30 LW before the fight ? I don't think he was but you bet your ass he's ranked now. Damn he almost kills Alvarez in the first round. Second round is similar but the third round. The fucking third round. Alvarez starts pouring it on when Chandler throws a kick and tears his groin and oh my god he might finish Chandler but he survives with a Mark Hunt level chin and looks completely refreshed in the fourth round and KNOCKS ALVAREZ'S DOUCHEBAG EYEBROWS OFF HIS GODDAMN FACE. WHOA.
6. Maaaaaaaaaaaaark Huntooooooo - My favorite fighter of all time. Went through some hard times, his record was under .500 and they give him a grappler to fight. Oh no, he's going to get kimura'd like he always does, oh no Chris Tuscherhehrheher gets it to the ground and goes for one but Hunt gets out of it, OH MY GOD THE OCEANIA SUPER FIGHTER JUST KNOCKED HIM OUT WITH A SHORT UPPERCUT AND WALKED AWAY LIKE A FUCKING BOSS. YES. YES. YES. Ok it's a few months later and they give him another grappler who has a pretty solid chin. Jesus christ, he's going to get subbed I think. HOLY SHIT HE SURVIVES AND GOES FOR AN ARMBAR AND ENDS UP WINNING A DECISION YESSSSSSSSSSSSS. MARK HUNT IS BACK. And next month he fights Cheick Kongo IN JAPAN on the main card and I am fucking PUMPED for that. Holy shit if he wins. IF HE WINS AND THEY GIVE HIM A TITLE SHOT ?!?!?!?! Oh my god. 2012, you and me could do some special things together.
(I apologize for how messy these paragraphs are. I guess they aren't even paragraphs really, just jumbled trains of thought. Sorry. I'll try and keep it focused for the rest of this)
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There were a ton of other awesome moments in MMA but now it's on to the few shows I went to and the deliciousness I noshed on around the great state of Hellafornia.
1. Kyuss Lives! - Great setlist, just needed Space Cadet and an appearance by Scott Reeder and Josh Homme and it'd be the best show ever but damn it was fun.
2. Big Business/Torche - Ok actually this was the funnest show of the year. Torche just raged and destroyed the PA with tyrannic distortion and prehistoric beats. Big Business blew out my hearing and my vocal chords. Good times.
3. KEN Mode - Been wanting to see these dudes forever and they obliterated the 2 people in the crowd. Yeah fuck you San Diego, good job supporting the scene. Anyways, that was the heaviest set I've heard from a trio and I was genuinely scared I would get my ass kicked by the guitarist/vocalist. Hung out with the dudes before the show started and they're from Winnipeg, Canada and we have some mutual e-friends so it was rad talking to those dudes about MMA and riffs and whatnot.
4. Fatso Jetson/Secret Samurai - Free show, radical bands, buncha buddies showed up, tacos afterwards, good night.
Originally I was going to do a list of all the rad stuff I ate but nothing is going to beat the Salmon and Bacon Eggs Benedict at the Little Swiss Cafe in Carmel, CA. Damn. Damn. Best breakfast I've ever had and my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Hash browns were on point, nice and crispy to support the majestically thick hollandaise sauce and perfectly cooked eggs. The salmon and bacon added huge briny flavor to the mix and damn. Damn.
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Ok now it's time to get serious. Sorta.
In 2011 some friendships ended, made some new friendships, but mostly ended. Learned from my mistakes and am slowly learning how to not be a dick all of the time. Also committed to cutting out the useless people in my life trying to fuck with my emotions. No need for haters, they just slow down the growth of my beard. Some close friends are also moving away so I'll be going solo for a while, One Man Wolf Pack style. Fuck, did I really use a Hangover reference ? That movie wasn't funny at all either, sorry people.
Still working on getting down to 205 pounds of bearded swoleness. That's not a resolution ok people, I've been at this for a while. Once this hangover'd charlie horse in my left calf relaxes it'll be time for hill sprints followed by misery. Can't wait.
I'm running out of steam typing this up, if you guys made it to the end I applaud you, it was just chaotic matrix of text. Get healthy, stay healthy, grow a beard and start fights at taco shops. 2012, I'm gonna punch you in the dick and you won't be able to stop my K-1 level striking.
-Anthony
