Holy shit we're back. It's been 2 months since a good event and I am
fiendin' for some good fights. Sippin' on some quality scotch right now,
got dat Wes Montgomery playing and watching .gifs of Jon Jones' new war
beard. You bros ready for some picks ? WAR.
Onward To Golgotha
WOW
WHAT THE FUCK UFC 151 GETS CANCELLED BECAUSE JON JONES IS SCARED OF
KALE SONNEN WHAT ??! Vitor Belfart moving back to 205 for a title shot ?
REALLY ?! Man...I don't even...I just want to see some fights, ya know ?
Really stoked they added the Jones/Belfart fight to this card but I'm
also bummed because there's a 99% chance I'll be missing the entire card
due to being at my sisters wedding. SHUCKS. I know Krista or Eric won't
be reading this but HEY CONGRATS AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYS
TOMORROW ! Really excited to eat a bunch of Greek food and get kicked
out for being on Instagram the whole time too.
So
Belfort has like no chance here. Straight up. Jones by sub. Or TKO.
After Jones' started growing that war beard I'm kinda cheering for him
now. I'm gonna be pissed if Rogan starts yelling out "OK MIKE NOW WATCH
OUT FOR THE FIRST MINUTE OF THE FIGHT BECAUSE THATS WHEN VITOR LOVES TO
RUSH IN AND THROW BOMBS" except he's never done that since coming back
to the UFC but I don't care anymore. Jones by TKO/sub/anything he wants.
Belfort tries to stay out of Dhalsim's range but still gets clipped
trying to rush in, tripped and ends up mounted. Jones by TKO due to elbows. I really wish I could say something funny about this but it's just been too long. I'm rusty.
I
will forever hate Mighty Mouse for getting a gift of a win over Miguel
Torres. I Rock Bottom'd the entire house when the decision was
announced. Fuck outta here with that noise. Mighty Mouse can act like he
has KO power and subs but he's kinda like Dominick Cruz without the
takedown defense. Just a buncha crap. Thankfully Benavidez is the most
handsome 125'er and he's going to have some impossibly beautiful
children with Megan Olivi. He's also going to beat the fuck outta Mighty
Mouse and be the dominant champ until he retires. You really think
Mighty Wuss is gonna land one of those marshmallow headkicks ? Get outta
here. Not happening. Benavidez is too handsome to let that happen. He's
gonna land one of those mouse-killing right hands and put that snitch
OUT. Benavidez by TKO 2nd round.
Oh
man. Michael Bisping. Dumbest dude ever. I was a fan of his for like 3
minutes and then he ruined it by calling out Benavidez and sounding like
a child. Dude can't take sarcasm for shit. Too bad Brian Stann sucks or
I'd be picking him to win. Stann has a great flat top but no ground
game so Bisping by decision. Bisping probably gets rocked with a
straight right but ends up recovering enough to sweep that Kenny Loggins
loving bastard and staying in mount for 15 minutes or maybe he gets a
legitimate finish for once. Bisping by whatever he wants.
Matt
Hamill can go die for all I care. The guy he's fighting looks like a
goober and I'm pissed that Vinny Magalhaes isn't on the main card. Nobody wins.
Do
Bronx vs Cub Swanson is going to be Fight Of The Night. Guaranteed.
Neither of em has a boring fight ever and I can't goddamn wait to see
this. Swanson is a bad motherfucker when he doesn't fight like an idiot,
the same for Do Bronx. Swanson has the striking and Do Bronx has the
subs. Well how do you pick ? Don't ask me. I'm too busy drinking to have
a method for picking fights. So Cub Swanson will win by highlight reel headkick KO again just because I follow him on Instagram.
Vinny
Magalhaes is back and I really hope he doesn't get knocked out in the
first round. Pokerjack has some power and could definitely finish Vinny
no problem. Hopefully Vinny will pull guard when they touch gloves and
transition into a mounted gogplata and gets a bonus and goes home for
some brazilian bbq booty but I don't know if that'll happen. Thankfully
I'm too buzzed to give one shit about Pokerjack being a threat so Magalhaes by double flying superman kneeplata mounted triangle omoplata combination.
Everyone
picking TJ Grant over Evan Dunham is kinda shocking me. I guess it's
possible, could be an ugly (aka boring as fuck) fight against the cage
for position but I'm hoping for some crazy scrambles ending in a sub.
I'm going with my gut and sticking with Evan Dunham though. Maybe by
D'arce choke ? Sure why not. Dunham by D'arce.
I
have some more drinking too and then I have to figure out how to tie a
windsor knot. Enjoi the last day of summer you bastards !
-Get Fat
