My Picks For UFC on Fox 5: Don't Be Scared Homie vs I Can Do All Things Through CHRIST !

MAHALOS MOTHERFUCKERS. I've had a Spam-can shaped boner for the last 3 months or so waiting for this card and it's finally here. I'm not gonna waste any more time because I want to digest this breakfast and hit the goddamn weights and get JACKED.



Onward To Golgotha


Nate Diaz gonna Stockton Slap the fuck outta JESUS tonight. You guys really think Bendersonson is gonna flick out triple jabs and actually land one of em and damage Nate ? You idiots really think he's going to take down Nate and hold him down for 25 minutes ? You really think he's going to survive the Middle Finger Triangle Of Death ? NOPE. Bendersonson is an athletic dude but gameplans terribly and puts himself in bad positions all the time. Can't be triflin' with Nate Diaz though, son. I just can't wait for Nate to start flipping him off and landing some hateful body shots causing Bendersonson to crumple and instead of going for the kill he flips him off some more and yells "STOCKTON BITCH. WHAT." and submits him with a rape choke. That shit's fucking happening. BANK IT. Nate Diaz by God Hating Rape Choke 3rd round.

HAWAII I LOVE YOU. My body is so ready for BJ to smash this fake Patrick Bateman wannabe motherfucker. I've never been sold on Rory and just don't see him being the champion ever. Rory will be bigger and like...I guess that's the only advantage he has. He's not going to outbox or be able to lay n pray on BJ. Fuck no. You know what BJ Penn's gonna do ? WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. I don't know how the fights gonna play out but BJ will be licking blood off his gloves like a fucking animal and Rory will be posting Slipknot pictures on Instagram. Penn by MurderDeathKill 1st round.

I'm so fucking scared for Shogun tonight. The Hendo fight took about 30 years off his life, so he probably has the brain of a 120 year old right now. Even Brandon Vera took some years off him. Brandon "Oh Man I'm The Worst Fighter Ever But I'm The Representative Of San Diego MMA So Worship Me" Vera. FUCK OFF. Gustaffson has an awesome beard, a pretty wife, and he listens to Dismember (I think). Well, Slowgun's wife is really cute too but like...neither of the Rua's listen to Dismember so who gives a shit about them. I so badly want Shogun to come out looking like a murderer in the Pride days but that shit is long gone, the only Shogun we get now has a more intense muffin top than me and plods slower than a one-legged tortoise that had it's skull cracked from a schizophrenic honey badger trying to rape it. Gustaffson by depressing one-punch KO 1st round :(

Aight bitches, I'm out this mother. Enjoy your Saturday afternoon, get some good food and beers, chill on the couch and get ready for the best card all year. And join me here on Fartbook for the DISCUSSION ZONEEEEEEEE.