Just ate a black forest ham with Nutella burrito. Wasn't too bad. Coulda
used a beer with it doe. Maybe a Great Divide Oak Aged Chocolate Yeti
Stout or something. I think I'll pick one of those up tonight. Yeah.
That sounds good. Why am I doing these picks on a Thursday instead of
Friday ? Because I make the rules up in here. Deal with it.
Onward To Golgotha
Man,
it's impossible to get pumped for this card. Once Costa Philipoo got
injured and Chris Camozzi filled his spot my heart just crumbled. Well
not really, but a little anyways. Surprised the main event isn't getting
any hype either cause it has the potential to be a really badical
fight. Will Belfort be super jacked on TRT ? Of course. Will Rockhold's
hair look amazing ? Of course. Will Gleison Tibau gas during the fighter
introductions ? Of course. Will Arianny look ridiculous with her no ass
compared to every other Brazilian strumpet in the crowd with their
hella surra de bundas* ? OF. FUCKING. COURSE.
Ok so raise your
hand if you're picking Belfort by BLAZING HAND SPEED KO. My hand is
raised. I don't think Rockhold will be able to keep Belfort away with
his body kicks and eventually Belfort is going to rush in with a left
hook and knock him out cold. That's some K-1 level analysis right there
guys. Guy avoids kick, guy punches guy in face, guy wins fight. That's
some super technical, analrapist shit right there guys. BET THE HOUSE ON
BELFORT. DO IT. FOR JESUS. Belfort by first round KO.
Chris
Camozzi is absolutely terrible at all aspects of MMA, BUT, he DOES have
the best "stereotypically horrendous fighter tattoos" ever. So much
tribal. So. Much. Tribal. He's a terrible tattoo black belt under Pamela
Anderson. Oh holy shit I mentioned Pam Anderson in my picks. Wow. That
is TRULY next level. And really sets the bar of ridiculousness high for
the next batch of picks I do. Shit. Jacare by being a monster. Flying triangleplataarmbar 1st ten seconds.
I
fear for Hafael Two Anjos life every time he fights. After Guida
(FUCKING GUIDA) broke his jaw and then Gleison Tibau nearly raped it off
his face with giant steroid Brock Lesnar implant gorilla fists, I'm
surprised he can still chew on Captain Crunch without getting a bunch of
concussions. Evan Dunham looked like absolute feces in his last fight
against Tibau (that's like the millionth time I've mentioned Tebow in
these picks and I'm not even going to discuss his fight) so like, maybe
Two Anjos' jaw will survive another onslaught of crunchberries to the
dome. I'm a big fan of his muay thai soooo Two Anjos' by headkick jawbreaking KO 2nd round.
Rafael Natal sucks. He's fighting a newcomer. War newcomer.
I'm just gonna breeze through the prelims in a stream of consciousness jumbled mess:
Hacran Dias, I always hear his name but never seen him fight. Too bad he's fighting Lentz N Fence cause he's getting decisioned
so hard. Who the fuck is Mike Rio and why isn't Max Cavalera headlining
this card. Oh theres Gleison Tibau, I'm really tired of typing his
stupid name so I'm skipping his fight. War Paulo Thiago forever even
though he's looked so bad in his last like...5 fights at least. Ugh.
Yuri Alcantara knocked out whats his face, Ricardo Lamas ? Or am I
thinking of another WEC guy ? I don't know. War Yury DA FURY Alanctara anyways. Fabio "Looks Like Mike Patton" Moldynalgas is finally going to get a legit win. War Moldynalgas. Who is Asthma GashNmosh ? He probably sucks. So does John Lineker. Kamikaze Kariaso is probably knocking out Juicy Formiga.
That's a shame. Jeremy Larsen sounds like an asshole that would spill
your bowl of Captain Crunch. Lucas Martins sounds like his dad used to
play tennis AND/OR golf so he wore polo shirts as a baby and got beat up
in school every day. Good. He fucking deserved it. Man I'm starving. Later bitches.
*Google it. Get a boner. Don't tell me about your boner though.
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