WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!
I'm
elbow dropping the Universe in my Ric Flair boxers right now 100
percent sober. That should be the real main event of this card cause who
the fuck thinks Sonnen has a chance at beating Jones ? Get outta here.
Instead of them fighting, I'm going to elbow drop and knee drop the
Octagon for 25 minutes while Brittney Palmer does a really crappy live
painting of me and then sells it on Instagram for a million dollars.
That's the main event. I should really be drunk while doing these picks
cause oh wow this card is terrible. ANYWAYS.
Onward To Golgotha
So
done with Chael Sonnen. So done with Jones fighting middleweights
instead of legitimate 205'ers. So done with Dana White shoving these
terrible matches up our asses and trying to convince us it's a great
fight. So done with these allergies. So done with being sober tonight,
it's time to get plastered and drunk text everybody. Prepare your
buttholes people. Jones by D'arce choke 3rd round. Maybe earlier.
Probably earlier. Sonnen is going to throw those terrible Dan
Henderson-like inside leg kicks and shoot for doubles all night. Too bad
he won't be successful at all cause he'll be shooting from way out. You
think he's gonna somehow clinch with Jones and not get dropped on his
face ? Get real. This is such a gigantic mismatch. Of course I'll be
cheering for Sonnen anyways cause I'm the biggest hypocrite in MMA and I
always love a ridiculous upset...it's just not happening this time.
Wheres my beer ?
Used to hate Alan Belcher, then he grew on me,
now I hate him again. Probably because he fought like turtle turds
against Okami and knocked out Paul Harris. Is he going to shock the
world and be the first guy to KO Bisping since Hendo ? Probably not.
Will Bisping KO Belcher ? Fuck outta here guy. Will this fight be boring
? Bet your sweet ass it will. Man I really need some thai food right
now. After I type this pick I'm gonna head out and get thai food. I'm a
man of my word. So, Bisping by decision ? I hate doing these safe picks
that aren't amusing at all but it's Bisping, and he doesn't inspire
confidence. It's not like these are picks I'm betting real money on.
Hmm...let's go Belcher by 1st round tornado kick. Fuck it.
Ok
I'm back. Just ate some Pad See Ew with peanut sauce and sriracha,
chased it down with an Avery Brewing IPA. Feelin' good for the first
time today. Fuck yeah. Where we at now ? Oh Roy Nelson vs Cheick Kongo.
Uhhh...goddamn Kongo is terrible. Sure he has an amazing body that I
wish I had but other than that he's a terrible fighter. Mark Hunt
destroyed his chin forever. Roy Nelson's going to destroy it even more.
Wish I had more thai food. Gosh it was so good. This fight is either
going to end in a KO or 15 minutes of clinching against the cage. I'm
hoping for the former. BIG BELLY NELSON BY HOMETOWN BUFFET BREAKFAST SLAM KO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!
Phil
Davis, I really, really hope your babies mama is just a lying bitch. If
what she says is true, MY GOD MEAN GENE, MY GOD. I'M. GOING. TO.
STRANGLE. YOU. HALF. TO. DEAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH. Sorry guys,
can't stop with the Ric Flair lines. He's too fucking awesome. Phil
Davis being accused of rape isn't though. With that being said, WAR
VINNY BANGLADESH ! Or however you pronounce his last name. He's really
handsome and...I guess that's it. Vinny by Vinnyplata ? That'd be
awesome. Probably gonna be a decision though if Phil wants to stand n
bang. Or choke n bang. Fucking rapist. WAR VINNYPLATA 1st ROUND.
BATTLE
OF THE REDBEARDS. Jim Miller looks like a SAVAGE with the shave
head/big beard combo. Pat Healy has a bigger skull than Tito Ortiz
though. So like, that's gotta get him some brownie points too. Won't be
enough brownie points to beat Jim Miller though. His cardio is too
ridiculous and he's going to outwork Healy and finish with a rear naked
in the 3rd round. Bank on it. WAR MILLER BEARD.
I'm not writing up the prelims. I'd rather drink more. PEACE BITCHES.
No comments:
Post a Comment