My Picks For UFC Fight Night: Matt Brown vs Not That Handsome Erick Silva

Yup, once again I'm doing my picks way in advance because theres no way I'm spending a friday night writing about this wreck of a card. Strap on an exit bag. 

Onward To Golgotha

After taking a nice powernap after smashing a Greek buffet one afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised to read that Matt Brown was fighting Erick Silva. Sometimes Joe Silva comes out of nowhere with a match up that serves up a nice serving of creamed jeans. Oh yes, my jeans are definitey creamed for this fight. After hating Matt Brown for the majority of his career I finally started cheering for him when he was a huge underdog and ended up molesting Jordan Mein and knocking out Mike Pyle in 4 seconds. The hypewagon was at an all time high when he was scheduled to fight and KO Carlos Condit but it wasn't meant to be. Well the sexwagon is back on track and oh man my jeans are ready to be creamed if he fucks Erick Silva and makes him humble. My appreciation for Erick's handsomeness dwindled after he heel kicked that poor Japanese migrant worker in Brazil and acted like he just won the K-1 Grand Prix 2000 against Ernesto Hoost. Get over yourself and get a new haircut bruh. Matt Brown doesn't give a shit about your tribal tats, he's had shittier tattoos for way longer. The Immortal by Midwest Ultraviolence. 

Why does Lorenz Larkin keep getting co-main spots ? He looks worse and worse every fight and his lack of wrestling against huge dudes makes it that much more impossible to land some sweet hurricane kicks. His haircuts usually rule though. And Costa Philipoo hasn't done fuck all since barely beating Tim Borscht. He might as well retire at this point. Who looks crappier ? I'm picking Lorenz by decision if he keeps out of Philipoos phonebooth but who cares cause it'll end up being 15 minutes of cage humping. Next. 

Daron Cruickshank is way too proud of Detroit and Erik Koch represents Wisconsin like he started Bon Iver. Pathetic. At least both these milquetoast looking gringos love to stand n wang all over the place. The potential for creamed jeans is high in this one. Going with Koch forever though because Cruickshank shoulda lost against Thugjitsu. And fuck Detroit. Kockhead walking out to Skinny Love n shit. 

Who the fuck is Bill Macario and who is Neil Magnum ? I don't know. Next. 

Does Cleveland have a high population of islanders ? Doubt it. So why is Soa Palelei on the main card against some newcomer ? Only Mark Hunt is the real islander bubba. Soa by being fat anyways. 

Chris Cariaso is on the main card over Eddie Wineland ? Fuck off forever. 

Preliminary stream of consciousness: 

Rafael Natal pisses me off and so does Ed Herman. I'm pissed. Kyoji Horiguchi gonna win because Japan. Yan Cabral sounds like a zucchini dish at an Iranian restaurant. Next. Eddie Wineland by KO fuck off. Nik Lentz because fuck off Armenia. Justin Salad needs a new last name. Next. Albert Tumenov is probably Dagestani. War Goldeneye.