Oh fuck me. Frank Mir is stepping in to fight Dos Santos ? Cool, that'll be the most predictable outcome ever. Might as well have Mene Gene Okerlund fight Miss Elizabeth as the main event. Good job Dana, you blew that shit. Coulda been MARK HUNT but nope. Whatever. Enough.
Onward To Golgotha
So this is easily the crappiest card on paper. There's only 1 fight I'm really interested in and the rest should be prelims on a Fuel card. The UFC really thinks Jones is the new blacksplosive GSP/Lesnar ? Fuck outta here. Until he shows his real asshole personality no one will give a shit. If you can't tell, I'm a little angry because Aoki got destroyed a few hours ago and Dana White is the biggest pile of shit ever and I hate Frank Mir forever. Knowing that he'll get knocked out is not satisfying enough for me, it should be MARK HUNT fighting Dos Santos. Fuck off.
So Rashad has no chance. Sorry dawg. Unless you get lucky and time Jones goofy looking strikes and counter with an overhand right that lands flush on his chin and knocks him out your ass is getting subbed or knocked out with a knee in the 2nd round. I'm sick of this pre-hype bullshit, I'm sick of Rashad being a little bitch because Jones said he'd fight him, I'm sick of Jon's brother acting like he's an MMA coach just because he's a fat football player, just sick of all of this garbage. Everyone knows that Rashad has no chance. Come on people. Jones by some knee KO bullshit, whatever. I don't care goddamnit.
Che Mills is not an "elite, ELITE fighter", shut the fuck up Joe Rogan. Go do Joey Diaz impressions instead, that's the only thing you're good at. Rory Macdonald beat up Nate Diaz so I hate him forever. If Che wasn't so terrible I'd pick him but that's not the case. Rory is gonna run right through this asshole. Waterboy by 1st round armbar. What a terrible co-main event.
Fuck Brendan Schaub. That dude is ALMOST a big of a douche as Frank Mir. I said almost. When Big Nig knocked him out I did a backflip and knocked over my carne asada fries, and then ate em off the floor because I was so happy that his doucheness got knocked out. Ben Rothwell used to be fat but he looked great at the weigh-ins so I'll be cheering for him. Rothwell by Paula Deen-lite KO 1st round.
I haven't been impressed with Michael Mcdonald and that's not changing after tomorrow night because The Mullet is gonna dominate him and show him who the real Jefe is of the bantamweight division. Torres is coming back with a finish and getting that title shot finally. Mullet by Machete Murder 3rd round.
Eddie Yagin is on the main card ? Wow. That pinoy has no chance. Hematoma Boy by a boring decision.
Mark Bocek wears really awkward underwear. John Alessio is a handsome fellow. Alessio by handsome.
CHAD GRIGGS FUCK YEAH. Why isn't he on the main card ? Travis Browne is kinda crappy for being a physically gifted guy. Sideburns Of Death is gonna get in that ass and shock the world with a 20 second KO. Callin' it. Lock of the night.
Karate Boy gonna be the first guy to KO Matt "I Really Suck, I Don't Understand How I'm Still In The UFC Because I Suck So Much" Brown with a left axe kick/right cross combo.
John Makdessi should be fighting at Bantamweight but somehow can't make 155. Ok fuck you. Nigerian Gangster is channeling his inner Fela Kuti as we speak and he's going to unleash the Monkey Banana Of Doom all over Makdessi's chin. Nigerian Gangster 2nd round murdercide.
Wow I can't stand Efrain Escudero. Fuck outta here dawg. Danzig gonna decision the shit out of you.
Who's Chris Clements ? Keith Worscheshshirikzkzzzz by no one cares.
MAXIMUM BLANKA GONNA GET IN THAT BOYS ASS. MAXIMUM BLANKA BY MAXIMUM KO FIRST ROUND BITCHES.
I'm gonna drink some more. Buzz off assholes.
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