My Picks For UFC: Machida vs Munoz aka Sushi vs Lumpia

Well this is a first. Writing these picks in the waiting room at the car dealership. On my phone of course. No beer, no tunes, no nothin'. Shit. Let's see what happens. 

Onward To Golgotha

Handsome Machida finally made it down to middleweight. Did y'all see how good he looked at the weigh ins ? Wowowow. Munoz looked bricked up as usual though. Won't make a difference because Machida is going to blast that lumpia rollers dumb Pinoy face off. Ok that sounded a bit racist, well maybe. You ain't stopping me from saying what I want. Until you've almost died in a Seafood City parking lot you have no right to criticize my disdain for Pinoy drivers. If Mark Munoz drives as badly as he attempts takedowns then you're all in danger of being in a head on collision while shopping for sisig and adobo. Wow I really went off track there. Hold up, I can tie this all together: Japanense fighters are better than Pinoy fighters. Shots fired. Machida is going to stuff all of Munoz's sloppy takedowns and overhand rights, counter with step-in knees to the body and finish with a Superjap punch to the brain. Japan by KO 1st round bakas. 

I've been sitting here 10 minutes and I already need a beer. 

So I was going to write some pretty awesome stuff about the Melvin Guillard/Ross Pearson fight but then I read about Tito injuring his neck for the millionth time and now the Bellator PPV is a total clusterfuck and that's all I care about now. Holy shit. The main event for your first PPV gets injured a week before ? Oh man. It was already a dumb fight to begin with and an even dumber idea to go to PPV but this is just amazing. And now it gets put on free tv. Holy hell. The Universe hates Bellator and Tito. Anyways, Melvin by KO because Nicole Miller of all people blasted Ross Pearson and Melvin is a lot more blacker than Nicole Miller.

Oh no. Oh no. Ryan Jimmo is on the main card against an exciting striker. No. Why would you do that Joe Silva ? Do you hate fun ? Or do you really think Manuwa can KO Jimmo before he turns it into the most boring fight ever ? Ugh. Praying that Manuwa can molest Jimmo as badly as he molested Kyle Kingsbury. I know this is a place for outrageous picks but Jimmo just takes the fun out of anything. Jimmo by super boring decision. Ugh that felt terrible to type. Thanks Canada.

Norman Parke is a proud Chamorro (aka he's Guamanian) so I have to cheer for him because I was in love with a Guamanian girl before and I always keep it fucking real. He's fighting a guy with an absolutely terrible haircut too. So theres that. Chamorro by kelaguen flavored fisting.

Preliminary stream of consciousness:

Alessio Sakara is still in the UFC. Wow. The guy he's fighting looks pretty crappy though. No on wins. Phil "Paul" Harris is fighting a guy that missed weight 3 times (three !!!) already, and he's a goddamn flyweight. Get the fuck out. Never cheer for a cheater. War Philhares. Al Iaquinta beat Ryan Couture so I'll cheer for him forever. Andrew Craig looks like Urijah Faber. That's enough. Rosi Sexton probably makes some badass green curry. I love green curry. Fuck Nicole Miller in the face until the end of time. Andy Ogle sucks but not as badly as Nicole Miller. Jim Hettes is a good guy. I'd hang out with him for sure. The guy he's fighting looks like a royal dick though. War good guy. Michael Kuipers last name pisses me off. Bradley Scott must be boring as fuck to talk to. Everyone loses.

I need a beer.