Flexing from all the pizza and beer flowing through my veins right now.
Is there a better combination to raise your machismo levels with ? Doubt
it. Let's discuss tomorrows fights before I pass out from cheese coma.
Onward To Golgotha
I'm
praying to the Elder Gods that GSP gets knocked out tomorrow night. I
don't know what the fuck you guys are watching but he's bored me to
death since the Thiago Alves fight. That's 4 years (four) of shrugging
when a fight of his is announced. 6 fights, 25 minutes each, that's
like, 150 minutes I coulda spent NOT watching GSP jab jab jab takedown
jab jab jab his opponents. I coulda chugged approximately 150 gallons of
beer. I coulda ate 150 tons of pizza. But no. I sat on my ass watching
GSP be a fucking prude with his fighting style. Fuck that shit bro.
Jimmy Hendrix is gonna knock this Canadian wuss boy all the way to his
grave in shitty Winnipeg. GSP is the Shocktop/Blue Moon of MMA. Fucking
die already. Jimmy Hendrix washes his beard in barrel aged imperial
stouts and combs it with bacon wrapped turkey legs. Fuck, I'm starving.
What I'm trying to say is, I am sick of GSP crapping up the division and
Johny Hendricks by bearded murder.
If Rashad Evans loses
it'll be the best set up for the main event. Rashad's looked like
dogdick forever (natures GSP) and Chael Sonnen just made Shogun tap.
Imagine if Sonnen taps Rashad for the first time in his career ? Bro, I
would FREAK OUT. Well not really, but I would clap and post a ton of
exclamation points on Facebook. BUHLEE DAT. But on the real, Chael is
beating Rashad with his pace alone. He might not do any damage but he'll
keep pressure on Rashad the whole time. Who knows, he might even get a
late TKO. Probably not. But I'll be excited. Chael by TKO fuck it YOLO.
Oh.
Rory Macdonald. He's supposed to excite me ? Fuck off. He's supposed to
be the future of MMA ? Fucking die. He's the future of being a total
fucking douchebag and never winning a championship ever. Only thing he's
good at is looking like a pile of shit in those suits he wears. Sweet
personality bro. Robbie Lawler is gonna KO your stupid fucking haircut
off forever and then he'll knock out GSP too because why the fuck not. I hate Rory Macdonald.
Oh.
Josh Koscheck. You see what I wrote for Rory Macdonald ? Apply it to
him too. Fucking hate that piece of shit. Tyrone Woodley is just as bad
but whatever. I'm not cheering for anyone. Maybe Vanessa Hanson will hit me up on Instagram tho.
Tim
Elliott has the sweetest beard ever but he's fighting a Dagestanian.
Dagestan doesn't fuck around bro. Did you see that video of Kebab Nurmy
wrestling a BEAR ? Yeah. I don't think Tim Elliott has. Dagestan by bear wrestling.
Preliminary stream of consciousness:
Think
Donald Cerrone will actually fight against Dunham ? Doubt it. When the
fight doesn't go his way he gets this look in his eyes, similar to BJ
Penn, and you know he's going to lose the fight. Poor guy. Dunham but not having scared weenie eyes.
Thales Leites looked pretty good against Tom Watson and I think he'll
beat Ed Herman since that dude loves to fight dumb sometimes. Can't
believe I'm picking Tall Ladies. Ugh. Rick "Bedtime" Story is abysmal to watch and Ebersole doesn't do enough to get attention from the judges. Bedtime Story might win this one. Yuck. GOYITO POWER CABRONES. He's fighting a guy with the worst facial hair ever so you already know who's winning this one. VIVA MEXICO JABRONIS. Jason High
is the raddest dude on Twitter so he wins. Sergio Pettis going up
against WILL CAMPUZANO'S RAGING ERECTION. Did you see the weigh ins ?
WILL CAMPUZANO'S RAGING ERECTION was the best part of it. Worst part ?
Sergio Pettis' haircut. Yes, I'm fucking cheering for a literal penis to
win this fight. WAR WILL CAMPUZANO'S RAGING ERECTION. Gian Villante is still in the UFC ? Wow. Who's Cody Donovan ? Doesn't matter. WAR WILL CAMPUZANO'S RAGING ERECTION AGAIN.
Time to wash the grease off my face and eat more pizza.
PEACE.
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