The toughest battle of all time. Brazilian BBQ vs Korean BBQ. Who wins
tomorrow night ? Not my colon, that's for sure. Holy shit I'm starving
right now too. Damn. It's gonna be a bitch to get through these picks.
Wish me luck.
Onward To Golgotha
HHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
it's finally here !! HOLY DUDE. We all get to witness the international
ultraviolence that will happen in approximately 24 hours and 43
minutes. I am so ready. Well not really, I'm pretty hungry right now and
that's taking a bit of my enthusiasm away, but you bet your ass I'll be
bench pressing ALL the ring girls tomorrow night. And by ring girls I
mean slices of cheap pizza and beer.
Let's set things straight
right now: I absolutely love Jose Aldo and cheer for him every single
fight except for tomorrow. I just can't go against TKZ ever. Well, if he
fought Mark Hunt then I'd be cheering for Mark Hunt of course but that
won't happen...right ? Yeah I'm pretty sure it won't happen. Maybe it
will. Who knows. It's 2013, anything is possible. ANYWAYS. I'm going
full bias mode right now and am stating ON RECORD that TKZ will demolish
Aldo. It won't be close. It'll be even more brutal than the time I beat
up these carne asada fries with my mouth cause they looked at me
wrong. So brutal. So tastily brutal. But how's he going to win ? Flying
knee ? Twister ? Korean Necktie ? Double flying knee ? Right kick
hospital, left kick cemetery ? Triple flying knee ? So many options but
you can only choose one. The Korean Zombie by bulgogi marinated quadruple flying knee while walking out to Zombie Apocalypse by Mortician. 미친놈, bitch.
I
feel so bad for Phil Davis. So very bad. Poor kid won't be able to do
fuck-all against Machida. He's gonna throw some stupid jabs ? Or some
dumb headkicks with no power ? Is he gonna twerk ? Fuck outta
here. He won't be able to takedown Machida so there goes 80% of his
game. Of course Machida won't do anything because Phil isn't confident
enough in his striking to commit, so Machida will have nothing to
counter. Ugh. This is gonna be a sludge-like 15 minute staring contest.
Hope they have a camera on the ring girls during this one. Maybe they'll
be getting manicures or something. Whatever. Machida by oh look, I found some chips on the floor. Yum.
The rest of the fights are so terrible that I'm going to lump them all into a Stream Of Consciousness Orgy:
Seriously,
6 fighters on the main card I have absolutely zero interest in
watching. This might as well be a Fuel card. Pathetic. Cezar Ferreira
looks like Vitor Belfort on even more TRT and Thiago "Santos Silva
Pitbull" Santos has the most generic Brazilian name ever. So not in the
mood for this garbage. No one wins. Thales Ladies is on the main card of
a PPV in 2013 ? Who the fuck did he win to get back in the UFC ? Fuck
off. Tom Watson talks some really bad shit and will be stuck to
preliminary purgatory forever because Ladies might actually win by lay n
pray. Seriously, fuck this main card. John Liniker missed weight by 4
fucking pounds. The guy he's fighting looks like a bridge troll with
cauliflower ear. We all lose. Vinny Magalhash could lose forever and I
wouldn't care. Anthony Perosh seem like a good guy that would probably
buy you a couple rounds of beers and cheese sticks every time. I like
that in a human. War Nice Guy Perosh. Except he's gonna lose.
Chicks are fighting and I haven't seen any of them before. Are they
good ? Are you even reading this anymore ? Shit, I lost interest 30
minutes ago. War Jessice Penne's pretty nose. I have no clue who
Neil Magny or Sergio Moraes are. Exciting ? Not worth a shit ? Probably
not worth a shit. Man, I could honestly eat a horse right now. Like, a
horse in a adobada marinade or something. So much marinade in these picks. WAR TIO CREEPY. He SHOULD smash on this little Keebler Elf lookin' dude. Tio Creepy by 1st round TKO always. Rani Yayha is the smallest featherweight ever. He could probably fight at 125 but he's a lazy fuck like me so whatevs. Yayha by flying omoplaya unless he gasses badly.
I really have no clue who the next 4 fighters are so I'm not even going
to write about those fuckheads. Seriously. Worst. Card. Ever. Minus the
main event. Ugh. Time for beers and food and more beers. PEACE.
No comments:
Post a Comment