YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IT'S FINALLY HERE !!! ALL CAPS I DON'T CAREEEEEE FFFFFFAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKKK. LESNAR VS REEM, CERRONE VS DIAZ, BRITTNEY PALMER VS ARIANNY, FITCH VS THE BEARD, MY BURRITO ADDICTION VS EATING HEALTHY. IT'S GOT EVERYTHING. Ok I need to calm down and focus.
Serenity Now
Guys, I am so pumped for tomorrow. The final UFC of the year with the fattest main event possible. Oh my gosh. Might have to fry up some bacon for the festivities. Probably throw some Glenfiddichlivet in my protein shake and get drunkenly fat swole. What are you guys making ? It better not be healthy.
That'd be so awesome if Michael Schaivello does some guest commentary when Reem gets THE BIG KIBOSHHHHHH. MORE HOOKS THAN A PIRATE CONVENTION. LESNARS TAKEN MORE HITS THAN NICK DIAZ'S BONG. You water-brained marks really think Lesnar is going to beat REEMZILLA ? Come on son. This is a match where anything can and probably will happen, who knows, maybe Lesnar fakes a takedown and blasts REEMTHULHU with a straight right like he did to Heath Herring and knocks him on his ass and Lesnar chases him down and catches an upkick to the face and gets rocked and shit I don't know. There is just absolutely no way I'm picking against RONNIECOLEMANREEM. SANDUSKYREEM gonna stuff Lesnars first 2 takedowns, hit him with a knee to the body, turn Lesnar to the cage and start teeing off with short hooks and uppercuts, Lesnars gonna escape and fumble around and Reem will (in a Mortal Kombat voice) FINISH HIM !!! with a flying knee followed by an ITS GOODNIGHT IREEENNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Ok I have to catch my breath from all that typing. That paragraph seriously took about 23 minutes because I kept trying to come up with new Reem names.
Stockton vs Albuquerque. 209 vs whatever their stupid area code is. Cholo vs Cowboy. The Stockton Slap vs Muay Thai. This is going to be FOTN, possibly FOTY. I'm just expecting a dirty brawl and lots of in-cage shit talking and a crazy, unexpected finish. Normally I'd be picking Diaz all day, Joe Rogan podcast by night but Cerrone has been killing shit lately. That headkick/RNC over Siver, the BOOM BODYSHOT killfest of Aloe Vera, dude is on fire. And I'm expecting more of that tomorrow night. Nate Diaz tends to keep his arms low and he's a slow dude and Cerrone is going to headkick his fucking head off with a kick to the head. I just hope this goes 3 rounds. Full on Thunderdome shenanigans await.
Jon Fitch is an asshole and he posts terrible tweets and his wife is hot but she's a 100% vegan and he shoulda lost that fight to BJ and his walk out music sucks and jesus christ I hate his fighting style. Johny Hendricks is a fucking awesome dude who I would eat Baconators with and groom our beards together and be life buddies and go around bringing awesomeness to non-awesome people. Hendricks by big beard brutality 1st round KO. Fuck you Fitch.
Alexander Gustaffson and Vladimir Matyushenko have way too many letters combined in their names. Gustaffson by lanky ass decision and repping Chula Vista even though Chula Vista sucks.
Nam Phan sucks shit and should not be on the main card. Jim "Iceberg Lettuce" Hettes choked out that fucking doucheface Alex Caceres and he's going to choke out Nam Phan too.
Junior Assuncao tries way too hard to be a tough guy. That dude just oozes douchebaggery. I sincerely hope he gets injured badly in this fight and is forced to retire from MMA and his life goes in a downard spiral to Shitsville, Population: His Monkey Ass. Ross Pearson by a british banger beatdown.
Danny Castillo tends to get headkicked. Nigerian Gangster tends to headkick people. Castillo is a wrestler. Njokuani has no wrestling. Castillo by presumably boring decision/sub.
Stun Gun by shockingly violent elbow flurry TKO in the 2nd round when Pierson gasses from Dongs top control.
I can't stand Volkmann. I really can't stand Escudero. Volkmann by something lame like a split decision and everyone cries that it was controversial even though no one gives a shit about this fight and Volkmann will never be a contender anyways so shut up already.
Matt Riddle is a piece of shit. Luis Ramos by anything.
Really surprised that Gamburyan vs Nunes is the curtain jerker. Figured it'd at least be on the Spike prelims. Thankfully I can't stand Gamburyan and anyone that's an Armenian asshole. Nunes by a very handsome TKO.
Alright, that's it guys. Glad to be back and can't wait for the always epic discussion zone. Oh yeah, I'm back on FB and hating every second.
-Get Fat
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Top 10 Albums of 2011
What's up cabrones. I've got an hour to kill before I walk the dogs and steal some decorations so I wanted to sit down and finally write my list up for this year in music. An amazing year for music and I can't wait for 2012. Let's do this.
Onward To Golgotha
1. KEN Mode - Venerable
Holy shit this album. The moment you listen to it you add 200 pounds to your bench press and 5 inches on your biceps. Giant, disgusting, harsh, motivational, it's got everything. THE noise-rock band to carry the Jesus Lizard/Albini torch. Some of the raddest dudes to hang out with too, even though I was genuinely scared that Jesse (vocals/guitar) was going to beat the living shit out of me if I said something wrong. I <3 Canada.
2. Maruta - Forward Into Regression
Obesity is the only word I can use to describe this album. The guitar sounds like the strings were covered in lard and deep fried before they started recording. Fattest riffs in grind, easily. Get a heart attack and mosh your arteries off.
3. Virus - The Agent That Shapes The Desert
Total mind-fuckery. I can't even air-guitar to this shit its so ridiculous. The most skronked up chords in the game with serpentine bass lines underneath it to put you at ease until the jangled drums fuck it back up again. Just insanity.
4. Sulaco - Build And Burn
The masters of lubed up legato blessed us with 7 tracks of the tastiest riffs by way of Rochester, New York. Eric Burke continues to blow my fucking mind with the shit he comes up with. 100% dolphin sex in music form.
5. Electro Quarterstaff - Aykroyd
These goddamn Canadians...jesus christ. So much nipple tweaked pinch harmonics and frantic Tetris defeating rhythms, I still can't believe this album is real. Try and wrap your mind around these arrangements, even Zappa would be impressed. Poutine covered bass tone and enough delicate fingering to snap the bras off the entire Victoria Secret team. Ri-fucking-diculous.
6. Secret Samurai - Zanshin
Arabic surf played by gringos from San Diego. I love this town. Goddamn great playing by the guitarist, dude is working his ass off on every track to bring you pendejos the most delicious saffron marinated riffs for your gluttonous pleasure.
7. Ulcerate - Destroyers Of All
Yeah, this album will destroy the shit out you. Terrifying like a Lovecraft novel with even more lurking monstrosities underneath all those non-Euclidean riffs. The drummer has to be Cthulhu cause no human could play like that. Ever. Get destroyedededed.
8. Elder - Dead Roots Stirring
These dudes came out of nowhere and made the best 70's rock album in 2011. Like a classy version of Kyuss. That makes no sense. Whatever. Just put this on and crash a 71' El Camino into your face.
9. Charles Bradley - No Time For Dreaming
Dude is 63 years old, releases his FIRST album in 2011 and its as heavy as it gets for soul. I want to meet the girl of my dreams and have her cheat on me just so I have a reason to cry while listening to Charles Bradleys voice. Get your heart broken.
10. Wu-Tang Clan - Legendary Weapons
GotDEAYUMN. That's all I have to say. I can't fucking wait for GZA to release Liquid Swords 2 next year. O.M.G.
Honorable Mentions:
Disma - Toward The Megalith
BUH. Filthy old-school death metal. The way it's supposed to be.
Gridlink - Orphan
Shoot up some speed and get your heart rate blown to shit.
Black Cobra - Invernal
Fuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhck. Huge. Obese. Monolithic. Those riffs are scary huge.
Raekwon - Shaolin vs Wu-Tang
Word is bond.
Noisear - Subvert The Dominant Paradigm
The only dudes ballsy enough to use Stephen Procorpio/Human Remains volume swell shenanigans.
If you made it to the end, I'm prooobably going to do another post on the Top Meals of 2011. Yeah really. I don't give a fuck.
-Get Fat
Onward To Golgotha
1. KEN Mode - Venerable
Holy shit this album. The moment you listen to it you add 200 pounds to your bench press and 5 inches on your biceps. Giant, disgusting, harsh, motivational, it's got everything. THE noise-rock band to carry the Jesus Lizard/Albini torch. Some of the raddest dudes to hang out with too, even though I was genuinely scared that Jesse (vocals/guitar) was going to beat the living shit out of me if I said something wrong. I <3 Canada.
2. Maruta - Forward Into Regression
Obesity is the only word I can use to describe this album. The guitar sounds like the strings were covered in lard and deep fried before they started recording. Fattest riffs in grind, easily. Get a heart attack and mosh your arteries off.
3. Virus - The Agent That Shapes The Desert
Total mind-fuckery. I can't even air-guitar to this shit its so ridiculous. The most skronked up chords in the game with serpentine bass lines underneath it to put you at ease until the jangled drums fuck it back up again. Just insanity.
4. Sulaco - Build And Burn
The masters of lubed up legato blessed us with 7 tracks of the tastiest riffs by way of Rochester, New York. Eric Burke continues to blow my fucking mind with the shit he comes up with. 100% dolphin sex in music form.
5. Electro Quarterstaff - Aykroyd
These goddamn Canadians...jesus christ. So much nipple tweaked pinch harmonics and frantic Tetris defeating rhythms, I still can't believe this album is real. Try and wrap your mind around these arrangements, even Zappa would be impressed. Poutine covered bass tone and enough delicate fingering to snap the bras off the entire Victoria Secret team. Ri-fucking-diculous.
6. Secret Samurai - Zanshin
Arabic surf played by gringos from San Diego. I love this town. Goddamn great playing by the guitarist, dude is working his ass off on every track to bring you pendejos the most delicious saffron marinated riffs for your gluttonous pleasure.
7. Ulcerate - Destroyers Of All
Yeah, this album will destroy the shit out you. Terrifying like a Lovecraft novel with even more lurking monstrosities underneath all those non-Euclidean riffs. The drummer has to be Cthulhu cause no human could play like that. Ever. Get destroyedededed.
8. Elder - Dead Roots Stirring
These dudes came out of nowhere and made the best 70's rock album in 2011. Like a classy version of Kyuss. That makes no sense. Whatever. Just put this on and crash a 71' El Camino into your face.
9. Charles Bradley - No Time For Dreaming
Dude is 63 years old, releases his FIRST album in 2011 and its as heavy as it gets for soul. I want to meet the girl of my dreams and have her cheat on me just so I have a reason to cry while listening to Charles Bradleys voice. Get your heart broken.
10. Wu-Tang Clan - Legendary Weapons
GotDEAYUMN. That's all I have to say. I can't fucking wait for GZA to release Liquid Swords 2 next year. O.M.G.
Honorable Mentions:
Disma - Toward The Megalith
BUH. Filthy old-school death metal. The way it's supposed to be.
Gridlink - Orphan
Shoot up some speed and get your heart rate blown to shit.
Black Cobra - Invernal
Fuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhck. Huge. Obese. Monolithic. Those riffs are scary huge.
Raekwon - Shaolin vs Wu-Tang
Word is bond.
Noisear - Subvert The Dominant Paradigm
The only dudes ballsy enough to use Stephen Procorpio/Human Remains volume swell shenanigans.
If you made it to the end, I'm prooobably going to do another post on the Top Meals of 2011. Yeah really. I don't give a fuck.
-Get Fat
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My Picks For Strikeforce: Melendez Vs Masvidal
What's up internets. It's 4pm on a glorious Wednesday afternoon...wait, that sounds wrong. I only do my picks on friday nights when I'm fuckin' trashed. Yeah, I'm pretty jacked on this caffeine withdrawal so I'm gonna see how I write when I'm on the verge of having numerous panic attacks and vomiting. Ok enough about me.
Onward To Golgotha
Man, I wish I could get excited for this card but it just ain't happening. Maybe it's the caffeine withdrawals but I have zero enthusiasm for da fights. It's even a bitch finishing the rest of this segue to the actual fight discussions. At least when the event is over that will be the reminder that we're only 2 weeks away from DECEMBEREEM VS LESNAREEM. Alright I'm done with this fucking paragraph.
Holy shit I forgot this event was in San Diego. Fuck. I should scalp a ticket. So Gilbert Melendez is a bad son of a bitch and if you give even a half a shit about Jorge Masvidal you'll know that his addiction to video games will cost him the fight (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12UOby4GAlk). Poor guy, you want him to win just because he's so handsome. I'm pretty sure Melendez is going to finish this fight with elbows from inside Masvidals guard and hopefully sign with the UFC immediately for next title shot or at least fight Donald Cerrone (after he beats Nate Diaz and they can use that to hype up their fight because Melendez wants to get revenge for his teammate) for a Number One contenders match. Victoria Justice is absolutely amazing. Holy shit. Anyways, Melendez by complete fucking violence that nobody expects.
Cyborg is back and she's fighting a jap. A female jap. Cyborg gonna Cyborg.
Are these fights even getting press ? The only persons name I've heard mentioned is Melendez just because he can go to the UFC. No one is talking about Mousasi or OSP or even Masvidal. Shit whatever.
Damn OSP is getting a huge step up in competish. It's not like Mousasi looked amazing against Jardine but shit. You're just trying to get this guy killed. Yeah so I'm pretty sure Mousasi is going to TKO the shit out of this guy or OSP is going to use his aggressiveness and wrestling to slay n pray a win. It's Wednesday afternoon and I'm going through caffeine withdrawals, let's get a little bit crazy. OSP by early stoppage ground n pound in the 2nd round.
Is Billy Evangelista the guy that Strikeforce said was going to be the next LW champ and then he got his ass kicked all over the place by Masvidal ? Same with KJ Koons. KJ by being extremely handsome but still sucking as a fighter.
Heh, you really think I'm going to talk about the prelims ? Man I got better things to do. Like download Victoria Justice pictures. Later dudes. Pray that I'll be recovered by saturday night. Love you.
-Get Fat
Onward To Golgotha
Man, I wish I could get excited for this card but it just ain't happening. Maybe it's the caffeine withdrawals but I have zero enthusiasm for da fights. It's even a bitch finishing the rest of this segue to the actual fight discussions. At least when the event is over that will be the reminder that we're only 2 weeks away from DECEMBEREEM VS LESNAREEM. Alright I'm done with this fucking paragraph.
Holy shit I forgot this event was in San Diego. Fuck. I should scalp a ticket. So Gilbert Melendez is a bad son of a bitch and if you give even a half a shit about Jorge Masvidal you'll know that his addiction to video games will cost him the fight (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12UOby4GAlk). Poor guy, you want him to win just because he's so handsome. I'm pretty sure Melendez is going to finish this fight with elbows from inside Masvidals guard and hopefully sign with the UFC immediately for next title shot or at least fight Donald Cerrone (after he beats Nate Diaz and they can use that to hype up their fight because Melendez wants to get revenge for his teammate) for a Number One contenders match. Victoria Justice is absolutely amazing. Holy shit. Anyways, Melendez by complete fucking violence that nobody expects.
Cyborg is back and she's fighting a jap. A female jap. Cyborg gonna Cyborg.
Are these fights even getting press ? The only persons name I've heard mentioned is Melendez just because he can go to the UFC. No one is talking about Mousasi or OSP or even Masvidal. Shit whatever.
Damn OSP is getting a huge step up in competish. It's not like Mousasi looked amazing against Jardine but shit. You're just trying to get this guy killed. Yeah so I'm pretty sure Mousasi is going to TKO the shit out of this guy or OSP is going to use his aggressiveness and wrestling to slay n pray a win. It's Wednesday afternoon and I'm going through caffeine withdrawals, let's get a little bit crazy. OSP by early stoppage ground n pound in the 2nd round.
Is Billy Evangelista the guy that Strikeforce said was going to be the next LW champ and then he got his ass kicked all over the place by Masvidal ? Same with KJ Koons. KJ by being extremely handsome but still sucking as a fighter.
Heh, you really think I'm going to talk about the prelims ? Man I got better things to do. Like download Victoria Justice pictures. Later dudes. Pray that I'll be recovered by saturday night. Love you.
-Get Fat
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Post-Fight Depression And Thoughts For UFC 140
-Damnit Big Nog. Why'd you have to break my heart ? All you had to do was keep punching Mir's fat douche head and you woulda had the win. Ugh. And if the rumors are true about Reem, you coulda been fighting Lesnar. And I would have lost my mind for that. Damnit. I still love you. But man, that loss hurts me bad. It's like setting up a date with your dream girl and then when Saturday night rolls around she ditches you for a keyboard player in a Nickelback cover band and the romantic burrito you ordered had american cheese in it and then you go home and find out Mark Hunt is retired and you could never see him win the heavyweight belt. Ok that's enough, I made my point.
-Holy shit Jon Jones. I will forever think he's a pile of douche but that finish of Machida was fucking frightening. Dudes got all the potential to be the greatest fighter ever. Heres to hoping that Rashad Evans knocks his fucking head off though. :)
-Tito Ortiz will never be able to take a shot to the body. Poor guy. His post-fight speeches are the most annoying shit ever so I kinda hope he retires right the fuck now. If he does get one last fight I hope it's against Rich Franklin. Well I don't hope, just whatever. Still bummed about Big Nog.
-I think Claude Patrick got fucked. That's all I have to say about that shitty fight.
-KOREAN WAR ZOMBIE HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. WOW. That was fucking nuts. Holy shit. Right on the fucking button. BOOM DEAD. Wow. Even if they gave him Aldo I'd be cheering on Shang Tsung Jung. Fucking awesomest moment of the night for sure.
-Didn't watch the prelims, I was busy napping my hangover off and frying up tortilla chips.
-Flyweights are coming March 3rd and I am fucking pumped. The way the bracket is set, they're trying to get Mighty Mouse vs Benavidez for the title. Makes sense cause that fight would be fucking insane but Uncle Creepy is going to fuck that all up and beat Mighty Mouse. Damn those fights are going to be awesomeeee.
-Brittney Palmer in Playboy. I should probably put those pages in protective sleeves because uhhh.....ahem. I didn't type this. Nevermind.
-Reem. Dude. I reallllly hope those rumors aren't true. If Mir steps in and fights Lesnar I plan on killing myself New Years Eve. You fucking asshole. Don't ruin the end of the year for me !
-I think I'll go to bed early. Goodnight !
-Get Fat
-Holy shit Jon Jones. I will forever think he's a pile of douche but that finish of Machida was fucking frightening. Dudes got all the potential to be the greatest fighter ever. Heres to hoping that Rashad Evans knocks his fucking head off though. :)
-Tito Ortiz will never be able to take a shot to the body. Poor guy. His post-fight speeches are the most annoying shit ever so I kinda hope he retires right the fuck now. If he does get one last fight I hope it's against Rich Franklin. Well I don't hope, just whatever. Still bummed about Big Nog.
-I think Claude Patrick got fucked. That's all I have to say about that shitty fight.
-KOREAN WAR ZOMBIE HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. WOW. That was fucking nuts. Holy shit. Right on the fucking button. BOOM DEAD. Wow. Even if they gave him Aldo I'd be cheering on Shang Tsung Jung. Fucking awesomest moment of the night for sure.
-Didn't watch the prelims, I was busy napping my hangover off and frying up tortilla chips.
-Flyweights are coming March 3rd and I am fucking pumped. The way the bracket is set, they're trying to get Mighty Mouse vs Benavidez for the title. Makes sense cause that fight would be fucking insane but Uncle Creepy is going to fuck that all up and beat Mighty Mouse. Damn those fights are going to be awesomeeee.
-Brittney Palmer in Playboy. I should probably put those pages in protective sleeves because uhhh.....ahem. I didn't type this. Nevermind.
-Reem. Dude. I reallllly hope those rumors aren't true. If Mir steps in and fights Lesnar I plan on killing myself New Years Eve. You fucking asshole. Don't ruin the end of the year for me !
-I think I'll go to bed early. Goodnight !
-Get Fat
Friday, December 9, 2011
My Picks For UFC 140: Joan "Jett" Jones vs Witty Nickname For Lyoto Machida
10 pm on a Friday night, drinkin' Glenfiddich and listening to Coltrane. My favorite time of the week. Well next to Saturday night with a burrito in my hand watching the main card of some awesome fights. I don't know why the fuck I thought working out tonight would be a good idea. My body just feels like fucking shit right now. Live and learn. And get fat.
Onward To Golgotha
Man, shit...I think I'm actually cheering for Jones now. Maybe not. Maybe it's the Glenfiddich talking. Yeah, it is. Fuck Jones. I don't care that he's exciting as fuck and I was all over his nuts when I saw the Bonnar fight, I can't cheer for a snitch like him. Ok, War Machida. Fuck yeah. That's who I'm going for. Fuck yeah.
Wow I really feel like shit right now. Gotta power through this. So goddamn Jones is going to have a serious reach advantage. It's gonna be like Dhalsim vs Ryu except Jones won't be able to use Yoga Flame. If Machida is finally over being knocked out by Shogun (cause you know he fought reallllly tentative in his next fight against Rampage) then I think he takes this fight. Jones doesn't have one-punch KO power and I think Machida figures out the non-Euclidian angles (Lovecraft reference for all you posers out there) and lands a clean flurry right on Jones chin and wobbles him and goes for the kill. Unless Jones willingness to not give a fuck throws Machida way off guard, I think Machida wins by TKO (EVEN THOUGH JONES CHIN HASNT BEEN TESTED YEAH I FUCKING KNOW THIS GOD BUT IF ANYONE CAN DO THAT ITS MACHIDA). I just want this to be a really competitive and crazy fight. Fuck all you bandwaggoners. Machida by fucking SHORRRRRYUKEN tko in the 3rd round.
Ughhhhh, Frank Mir. God I fucking hate that asshole. That dude just rules at talking up a serious game and then looking like a fucking pile of shit. Cro Cop fight ? Sucked. Roy Nelson fight ? Sucked. Big Nig knocking out Schaub is one of the greatest moments in MMA history and I fucking hope he can repeat that performance and knock out Mir. I don't think that'll happen and I'll be more than happy if he gets a decision win. Even if the fight is boring which usually happens when Mir is involved. Big Nig by one-punch counter right cross KO.
Fucking Tito man. I was actually cheering for him in the Rashad fight and he sorta almost pulled it off. It'd be awesome if Lil Nig can defend Tito's clinch game/double leg takedown attempts and blast his chin but uhh, I don't see it happening. Wait, is Lil Nig the favorite in this fight ? Fuck it. Lil Nog by being the first to knock Tito out cold in the 2nd round with a left hook counter.
TWAS ALL FUCKING DAY. TWAS = The White Anderson Silva = Brian Ebersole. Claude Patrick is 3-0 in the UFC and no one gives a fuck cause he's boring as shit and will get his ass royally fucked by TWAS. TWAS by front kick KO 1st round or uhhh like...some ground n pound in the 2nd round...or uh...just a decision. WHATEVER.
Fucking wedgie.
KOREAN WAR ZOMBIE. Wait, that doesn't sound right...WAR NORTH KOREAN ZOMBIE !...nope...WAR CHANG SUNG JUNG SHANG TSUNG ! There we fucking go. Holy shit Korean Zombie needs to fucking win this fight. I really don't want them to hype up an Aldo/Hominick rematch if that little twerp wins. Korean Zombie gonna show the fucking world whats up and prove all the haters wrong. SHANG TSUNG BY SOUL STEALING SPINNING BACK FIST KO IN SOME ROUND FUCK YEAH.
Time to do another shot cause I really don't want to talk about these fucking shitty prelims.
OH YEAH BRITTNEY PALMER IS BACK HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Her thighs looked fucking amazing at the weigh-ins. Too bad her "artwork" still sucks more bags of dicks than uhh...something that sucks a bag of dicks. Fuck I don't know.
Greek Buffet Philipoo is like, wow oh my god boring. Jared Hamman fucking WARS. Did you see that CB Dollaway rapedown ? Holy shit mans. And did you SEEEEE his mustache ? Fucking WAR Jammin' Hamman ! Hamman by somethin', I don't even know man. Something AWESOME I hope. Wars.
Igor Poorcrackaddict is still in the UFC ? Jesus christ. Kryzyzysytytytytoff Showysinsinsikskiikikzizkzi by something. I don't know. Fuck watching that fight.
Fuck yeah John Makdessi. Fuck yeah he's gonna rapevan the shit out of Dennis Hallman. Makdessi by rapevan spinning back headkick first round KO of rape.
I keep forgetting who Yves Jabouin is. THATS NOT RACIST OK JESUS PEOPLE I'M NOT ANTI-BLACK FIGHTERS WOW. Walel Watson trains in San Diego at the Combat Academy and he looked like a bad motherfucker in his debut with those three headkicks in a row. Walel by FOUR headkicks in a row.
Please Bocek please win. I hate Nik Lentz and his plain looking wife. Bocek by split decision.
Who is Rich Attonito and who is John Lastname (I got tired and didn't feel like copy/pasting his last name) ? Ugh whatever. Time for another shot.
I'm serious guys, who the fuck is Mitch Clarke and John Cholish ? God. Fuck this dumb fight.
Alright I'm out. I'll be making my Facebook return December 29th to post my Lesnar/Reem picks. I know you bitches missed me.
-Get Fat
Onward To Golgotha
Man, shit...I think I'm actually cheering for Jones now. Maybe not. Maybe it's the Glenfiddich talking. Yeah, it is. Fuck Jones. I don't care that he's exciting as fuck and I was all over his nuts when I saw the Bonnar fight, I can't cheer for a snitch like him. Ok, War Machida. Fuck yeah. That's who I'm going for. Fuck yeah.
Wow I really feel like shit right now. Gotta power through this. So goddamn Jones is going to have a serious reach advantage. It's gonna be like Dhalsim vs Ryu except Jones won't be able to use Yoga Flame. If Machida is finally over being knocked out by Shogun (cause you know he fought reallllly tentative in his next fight against Rampage) then I think he takes this fight. Jones doesn't have one-punch KO power and I think Machida figures out the non-Euclidian angles (Lovecraft reference for all you posers out there) and lands a clean flurry right on Jones chin and wobbles him and goes for the kill. Unless Jones willingness to not give a fuck throws Machida way off guard, I think Machida wins by TKO (EVEN THOUGH JONES CHIN HASNT BEEN TESTED YEAH I FUCKING KNOW THIS GOD BUT IF ANYONE CAN DO THAT ITS MACHIDA). I just want this to be a really competitive and crazy fight. Fuck all you bandwaggoners. Machida by fucking SHORRRRRYUKEN tko in the 3rd round.
Ughhhhh, Frank Mir. God I fucking hate that asshole. That dude just rules at talking up a serious game and then looking like a fucking pile of shit. Cro Cop fight ? Sucked. Roy Nelson fight ? Sucked. Big Nig knocking out Schaub is one of the greatest moments in MMA history and I fucking hope he can repeat that performance and knock out Mir. I don't think that'll happen and I'll be more than happy if he gets a decision win. Even if the fight is boring which usually happens when Mir is involved. Big Nig by one-punch counter right cross KO.
Fucking Tito man. I was actually cheering for him in the Rashad fight and he sorta almost pulled it off. It'd be awesome if Lil Nig can defend Tito's clinch game/double leg takedown attempts and blast his chin but uhh, I don't see it happening. Wait, is Lil Nig the favorite in this fight ? Fuck it. Lil Nog by being the first to knock Tito out cold in the 2nd round with a left hook counter.
TWAS ALL FUCKING DAY. TWAS = The White Anderson Silva = Brian Ebersole. Claude Patrick is 3-0 in the UFC and no one gives a fuck cause he's boring as shit and will get his ass royally fucked by TWAS. TWAS by front kick KO 1st round or uhhh like...some ground n pound in the 2nd round...or uh...just a decision. WHATEVER.
Fucking wedgie.
KOREAN WAR ZOMBIE. Wait, that doesn't sound right...WAR NORTH KOREAN ZOMBIE !...nope...WAR CHANG SUNG JUNG SHANG TSUNG ! There we fucking go. Holy shit Korean Zombie needs to fucking win this fight. I really don't want them to hype up an Aldo/Hominick rematch if that little twerp wins. Korean Zombie gonna show the fucking world whats up and prove all the haters wrong. SHANG TSUNG BY SOUL STEALING SPINNING BACK FIST KO IN SOME ROUND FUCK YEAH.
Time to do another shot cause I really don't want to talk about these fucking shitty prelims.
OH YEAH BRITTNEY PALMER IS BACK HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Her thighs looked fucking amazing at the weigh-ins. Too bad her "artwork" still sucks more bags of dicks than uhh...something that sucks a bag of dicks. Fuck I don't know.
Greek Buffet Philipoo is like, wow oh my god boring. Jared Hamman fucking WARS. Did you see that CB Dollaway rapedown ? Holy shit mans. And did you SEEEEE his mustache ? Fucking WAR Jammin' Hamman ! Hamman by somethin', I don't even know man. Something AWESOME I hope. Wars.
Igor Poorcrackaddict is still in the UFC ? Jesus christ. Kryzyzysytytytytoff Showysinsinsikskiikikzizkzi by something. I don't know. Fuck watching that fight.
Fuck yeah John Makdessi. Fuck yeah he's gonna rapevan the shit out of Dennis Hallman. Makdessi by rapevan spinning back headkick first round KO of rape.
I keep forgetting who Yves Jabouin is. THATS NOT RACIST OK JESUS PEOPLE I'M NOT ANTI-BLACK FIGHTERS WOW. Walel Watson trains in San Diego at the Combat Academy and he looked like a bad motherfucker in his debut with those three headkicks in a row. Walel by FOUR headkicks in a row.
Please Bocek please win. I hate Nik Lentz and his plain looking wife. Bocek by split decision.
Who is Rich Attonito and who is John Lastname (I got tired and didn't feel like copy/pasting his last name) ? Ugh whatever. Time for another shot.
I'm serious guys, who the fuck is Mitch Clarke and John Cholish ? God. Fuck this dumb fight.
Alright I'm out. I'll be making my Facebook return December 29th to post my Lesnar/Reem picks. I know you bitches missed me.
-Get Fat
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
My Picks for The Ultimate Fighter Finale: Bitchbing vs Miller
You goddamn assholes making me start a Blogspot just for UFC picks...aw hellllll no. Aw helllllllllllllllll no. Man fuck it, what else am I going to do on a Friday night ? Heard I missed some good shit between Taco Palace Fights and XFC. Shit. Time to get down to some fucking business. Also, I still hate Facebook and everyone on there.
Onward To Golgotha
Let me start off by saying I've only seen like one episode of TUF, and that was the first one. And it was a motherfucker but goddamn do I hate the rest of the shit in between the fights. Tired ass format, PLEASE end this show. Unless the next season is Brittney Palmer vs Arianny and every week they have to do a food eating challenge in bikinis and whoever puts on the most weight gets to go on a date with me. I'd certainly watch that. The Ultimate Fatter 15: Brittney vs Arianny vs Me
Ok that's enough. Yeah so Mayhem has no chance in this fight. As much of a raging pile of cunt that Michael Bisping is, he's not a bad fighter. I mean he's not great or anything and he will never get a title shot but he's well rounded (except when it comes to basic footwork and circling out of dudes with right hands) and I think he's got the wussy style to beat Mayhem.
Everyone seems to forget that Mayhems last win was against a dying Sakuraba who should be making shitty California Rolls for sushi posers in my town, not fighting. And the rest of his wins weren't against top competition. Yeah Bisping ain't a world beater but SHUT UP. I'M TRYING TO FORM A FUCKING THOUGHT HERE. GOD. Ok I'm rambling way too hard. Mayhem will have a hard time getting Bisping down and he doesn't have the power to KO him so this will end up being 5 (why is this bullshit 5 fucking rounds ?) rounds of Bisping fighting like a cunt and jab/right crossing his way to a boring decision. Bisping by boring. Sorry all you Mayhem fans :(
So Diego Brandao is supposed to be knocking dudes out and he loves Mike Tyson and Wandy ? Fuck yeah. Dennis Burmedez is a wrestler ? WHY THE FUCK DO THESE GUYS HAVE THE SAME INITIALS. Fuck I hate wrestlers that aren't named Chael Sonnen. Diego TADOW by Brazilian Brutality Brought To You By Sepultura - Beneath To The Remains.
John Dodson looks like a fucking bitch. Stay in Taco Palace and fight at 125 you Greg Jackson goober. Tijuana Dillashaw also looks like a fucking snitch that would try to talk to your girlfriend at a party whilst you're in the corner sneezing cause the hosts of said party had cats and didn't inform you and now your allergies are going crazy. Fuck short people. Dillashaw by training with Team Alfalfa Male.
Apparently El Cucuy has sick power and reach and Yves Edwards chin is shot ? Man, I prooobably won't be watching this card anyways so I don't really give a shit either way. Somebody by highlight reel finish. That's all I'm asking for.
Louis "Clay Guida Is My Idol And My Green Hair Is Fucking Stupid But It Gives Me Character" Guido pisses me off so fucking hard. You really dyed your hair green bro ? You fucking dumb fuck. You don't play keyboards in a Mudvayne cover band from 1998. Get your life together and look like a real person. Fucking christ. I don't know the other guys name but he can't possibly be a bigger douche than this fuckhead. Other by not being a fucking asshat.
I'm not doing the rest of the card because I hate you. Can't wait for next week so I can go on a Joan Jones rant. Fuck. I'm out.
-Get Fat
Onward To Golgotha
Let me start off by saying I've only seen like one episode of TUF, and that was the first one. And it was a motherfucker but goddamn do I hate the rest of the shit in between the fights. Tired ass format, PLEASE end this show. Unless the next season is Brittney Palmer vs Arianny and every week they have to do a food eating challenge in bikinis and whoever puts on the most weight gets to go on a date with me. I'd certainly watch that. The Ultimate Fatter 15: Brittney vs Arianny vs Me
Ok that's enough. Yeah so Mayhem has no chance in this fight. As much of a raging pile of cunt that Michael Bisping is, he's not a bad fighter. I mean he's not great or anything and he will never get a title shot but he's well rounded (except when it comes to basic footwork and circling out of dudes with right hands) and I think he's got the wussy style to beat Mayhem.
Everyone seems to forget that Mayhems last win was against a dying Sakuraba who should be making shitty California Rolls for sushi posers in my town, not fighting. And the rest of his wins weren't against top competition. Yeah Bisping ain't a world beater but SHUT UP. I'M TRYING TO FORM A FUCKING THOUGHT HERE. GOD. Ok I'm rambling way too hard. Mayhem will have a hard time getting Bisping down and he doesn't have the power to KO him so this will end up being 5 (why is this bullshit 5 fucking rounds ?) rounds of Bisping fighting like a cunt and jab/right crossing his way to a boring decision. Bisping by boring. Sorry all you Mayhem fans :(
So Diego Brandao is supposed to be knocking dudes out and he loves Mike Tyson and Wandy ? Fuck yeah. Dennis Burmedez is a wrestler ? WHY THE FUCK DO THESE GUYS HAVE THE SAME INITIALS. Fuck I hate wrestlers that aren't named Chael Sonnen. Diego TADOW by Brazilian Brutality Brought To You By Sepultura - Beneath To The Remains.
John Dodson looks like a fucking bitch. Stay in Taco Palace and fight at 125 you Greg Jackson goober. Tijuana Dillashaw also looks like a fucking snitch that would try to talk to your girlfriend at a party whilst you're in the corner sneezing cause the hosts of said party had cats and didn't inform you and now your allergies are going crazy. Fuck short people. Dillashaw by training with Team Alfalfa Male.
Apparently El Cucuy has sick power and reach and Yves Edwards chin is shot ? Man, I prooobably won't be watching this card anyways so I don't really give a shit either way. Somebody by highlight reel finish. That's all I'm asking for.
Louis "Clay Guida Is My Idol And My Green Hair Is Fucking Stupid But It Gives Me Character" Guido pisses me off so fucking hard. You really dyed your hair green bro ? You fucking dumb fuck. You don't play keyboards in a Mudvayne cover band from 1998. Get your life together and look like a real person. Fucking christ. I don't know the other guys name but he can't possibly be a bigger douche than this fuckhead. Other by not being a fucking asshat.
I'm not doing the rest of the card because I hate you. Can't wait for next week so I can go on a Joan Jones rant. Fuck. I'm out.
-Get Fat
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