10 pm on a Friday night, drinkin' Glenfiddich and listening to Coltrane. My favorite time of the week. Well next to Saturday night with a burrito in my hand watching the main card of some awesome fights. I don't know why the fuck I thought working out tonight would be a good idea. My body just feels like fucking shit right now. Live and learn. And get fat.
Onward To Golgotha
Man, shit...I think I'm actually cheering for Jones now. Maybe not. Maybe it's the Glenfiddich talking. Yeah, it is. Fuck Jones. I don't care that he's exciting as fuck and I was all over his nuts when I saw the Bonnar fight, I can't cheer for a snitch like him. Ok, War Machida. Fuck yeah. That's who I'm going for. Fuck yeah.
Wow I really feel like shit right now. Gotta power through this. So goddamn Jones is going to have a serious reach advantage. It's gonna be like Dhalsim vs Ryu except Jones won't be able to use Yoga Flame. If Machida is finally over being knocked out by Shogun (cause you know he fought reallllly tentative in his next fight against Rampage) then I think he takes this fight. Jones doesn't have one-punch KO power and I think Machida figures out the non-Euclidian angles (Lovecraft reference for all you posers out there) and lands a clean flurry right on Jones chin and wobbles him and goes for the kill. Unless Jones willingness to not give a fuck throws Machida way off guard, I think Machida wins by TKO (EVEN THOUGH JONES CHIN HASNT BEEN TESTED YEAH I FUCKING KNOW THIS GOD BUT IF ANYONE CAN DO THAT ITS MACHIDA). I just want this to be a really competitive and crazy fight. Fuck all you bandwaggoners. Machida by fucking SHORRRRRYUKEN tko in the 3rd round.
Ughhhhh, Frank Mir. God I fucking hate that asshole. That dude just rules at talking up a serious game and then looking like a fucking pile of shit. Cro Cop fight ? Sucked. Roy Nelson fight ? Sucked. Big Nig knocking out Schaub is one of the greatest moments in MMA history and I fucking hope he can repeat that performance and knock out Mir. I don't think that'll happen and I'll be more than happy if he gets a decision win. Even if the fight is boring which usually happens when Mir is involved. Big Nig by one-punch counter right cross KO.
Fucking Tito man. I was actually cheering for him in the Rashad fight and he sorta almost pulled it off. It'd be awesome if Lil Nig can defend Tito's clinch game/double leg takedown attempts and blast his chin but uhh, I don't see it happening. Wait, is Lil Nig the favorite in this fight ? Fuck it. Lil Nog by being the first to knock Tito out cold in the 2nd round with a left hook counter.
TWAS ALL FUCKING DAY. TWAS = The White Anderson Silva = Brian Ebersole. Claude Patrick is 3-0 in the UFC and no one gives a fuck cause he's boring as shit and will get his ass royally fucked by TWAS. TWAS by front kick KO 1st round or uhhh like...some ground n pound in the 2nd round...or uh...just a decision. WHATEVER.
Fucking wedgie.
KOREAN WAR ZOMBIE. Wait, that doesn't sound right...WAR NORTH KOREAN ZOMBIE !...nope...WAR CHANG SUNG JUNG SHANG TSUNG ! There we fucking go. Holy shit Korean Zombie needs to fucking win this fight. I really don't want them to hype up an Aldo/Hominick rematch if that little twerp wins. Korean Zombie gonna show the fucking world whats up and prove all the haters wrong. SHANG TSUNG BY SOUL STEALING SPINNING BACK FIST KO IN SOME ROUND FUCK YEAH.
Time to do another shot cause I really don't want to talk about these fucking shitty prelims.
OH YEAH BRITTNEY PALMER IS BACK HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Her thighs looked fucking amazing at the weigh-ins. Too bad her "artwork" still sucks more bags of dicks than uhh...something that sucks a bag of dicks. Fuck I don't know.
Greek Buffet Philipoo is like, wow oh my god boring. Jared Hamman fucking WARS. Did you see that CB Dollaway rapedown ? Holy shit mans. And did you SEEEEE his mustache ? Fucking WAR Jammin' Hamman ! Hamman by somethin', I don't even know man. Something AWESOME I hope. Wars.
Igor Poorcrackaddict is still in the UFC ? Jesus christ. Kryzyzysytytytytoff Showysinsinsikskiikikzizkzi by something. I don't know. Fuck watching that fight.
Fuck yeah John Makdessi. Fuck yeah he's gonna rapevan the shit out of Dennis Hallman. Makdessi by rapevan spinning back headkick first round KO of rape.
I keep forgetting who Yves Jabouin is. THATS NOT RACIST OK JESUS PEOPLE I'M NOT ANTI-BLACK FIGHTERS WOW. Walel Watson trains in San Diego at the Combat Academy and he looked like a bad motherfucker in his debut with those three headkicks in a row. Walel by FOUR headkicks in a row.
Please Bocek please win. I hate Nik Lentz and his plain looking wife. Bocek by split decision.
Who is Rich Attonito and who is John Lastname (I got tired and didn't feel like copy/pasting his last name) ? Ugh whatever. Time for another shot.
I'm serious guys, who the fuck is Mitch Clarke and John Cholish ? God. Fuck this dumb fight.
Alright I'm out. I'll be making my Facebook return December 29th to post my Lesnar/Reem picks. I know you bitches missed me.
-Get Fat
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